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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


Gender : Male
Date Joined : 2008-04-30
Reputation : 13

PostSubject: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 02:29

umpisahan kona;

Tatay: Anak, tubig nga.
Anak: Mineral o distilled?
Tatay: Mineral.
Anak: Malamig o hindi?
Tatay: Hahampasin na kita ng walis eh!
Anak: Tambo o tingting?
Tatay: Lintik ka!
*****
Ale: Doc, meron po akong brownish discharge. Parang na- infect.
Duktor: Gaano kadalas ka makipagtalik?
Ale: Once a year po.
Duktor: Ahh, hindi yan infection, KALAWANG YAN!!
*****
CENSUS officer: Mrs, ilan bang anak nyo?
MRS: 14 po.
CENSUS: Ang dami naman! Di ba kayo gumagamit ng pills, condom, withdrawal o rhythm?
MRS: Hindi po, kwan lang po ng mister ko talaga!
*****
Loi: "Love, may mga friends ako na nagpa-enhance ng boobs.
Okey lang ba sayo kung magpadagdag din ako?
Erap: "Ewan ko, parang hindi yata bagay sa'yo ang tatlong suso!!!"
******
Mental patient is singing while lying in his hospital bed. After a song, he turns face down to sing again.
NURSE: Bakit ka bumaliktad?
PATIENT: Side B na kasi eh.
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 02:30

WIFE: Doc, bakit lumalabas ang mga ugat sa bird ng mister ko?
DOC: Varicose veins yon!
WIFE: Anong cause nun?
DOC: Pareho din sa legs mo....pag laging nakatayo!!!
*****
Guro: Ano dapat gawin pag may lindol?
Boy: Buksan po ang ilaw!
Guro: Bakit?
Boy: Kasi po sa bahay kubo namin, madalas lumindol kapag gabi, pero pag-switch ko po ng ilaw, biglang tumitigil!!!
*****
BADING na may binili sa MERCURY Drug Store............
Bading: Miss, may XXL ba kayo na condom?
Miss: Meron po, bibili ba kayo?
Bading: Hindi, aabangan ko ang bibili nyan!
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


Gender : Male
Date Joined : 2008-04-30
Reputation : 13

PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 02:31

Isang ale to another: How do you make your husband punctual in coming home from work?
Second ale: Simple....... I tell him sex will start at exactly 9 pm, with or without him!!!
******
ANAK: ;'Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW NG TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama?
INA: (aburido) Sabihin mo sa ma'am mo, ang AMA ang taga-PUNDI NG ILAW!!!
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 02:32

Mom: baby, your good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your answer?
Baby: thank you po!!!

BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema mo lang problema natin dahil nagmamahalan tayo. ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis natin si inday at tayo ang ama
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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Date Joined : 2008-04-30
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 02:33

PARI nagsermon sa simbahan,sa harap nandoon si Juan nakikinig ngsermon ,noon sinabi ng pari ng ten commandments , thou shall not steal Natakot si Juan at nanginginig pinanapawisan ,kinakapa niya ang puwet niya, pero Noon sinabi ng pari ...thou shall not commit adultery, Nagulat si Juan at nasiyahan siya naging kalmado...napuna ito ng Pari ...Sa uwian kinausap ng Pari si Juan...iho sabi ng pari napuna kita, ng ngsermon ako lalo noon sinabi ko thou shall not steal ...kasi padre noon sinabi ninyong thou shall not steal ,nawawala ang wallet ko kaya natakot , pero noon sinabi ninyong thou shall not commit adultery naala ala kong saan ko naiwanang wallet ko...

-------------------

Boss: Ipadala mo nga itong sulat kay Mr. Saycon. Secretary: (tigas dila) Sir, iTITI-legram ko ba or iKIKI-ble? Boss: Tanga! i-FUC#S mo!

-------------------

T.I.I.S. At 21, women proudly say "I'm part of T.G.I.S." - Thank God I'm Single! At 31, women strongly say "I'm part of T.I.I.S." - 'Tang-Ina I'm Single!
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 02:35

Killer: father mangungumpisal po ako
Father: ano kasalanan mo?
Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 tao
Father: bakit?
Killer: kasi po naniniwala sila sa Diyos, kayo po naniniwala ba?
Father: dati... pero ngayon trip trip na lang

Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! putsa pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 02:37

Priest: ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng langit
Mga bakla: carry lang po father... dun na lang kami sa rainbow mag slide-slide!!!

Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula sa letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable?
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige siret na!
Bobo: ANEST wehehe!!!

Girl: doc, pa check-up po
Doc: sige hubad ka ng panty at bra tapos higa ka
Girl: hindi po ako, itong lola ko po
Doc: sige lola, hinga na lang po ng malalim
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zekegoode



Gender : Male
Date Joined : 2008-05-06
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 06:30

What time should one go to the Dentist????

Tooth Hurty

I know it not funny but can you laugh because it's not? fight
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barbz
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 10:54

loveydoo wrote:
WIFE: Doc, bakit lumalabas ang mga ugat sa bird ng mister ko?
DOC: Varicose veins yon!
WIFE: Anong cause nun?
DOC: Pareho din sa legs mo....pag laging nakatayo!!!
*****
Guro: Ano dapat gawin pag may lindol?
Boy: Buksan po ang ilaw!
Guro: Bakit?
Boy: Kasi po sa bahay kubo namin, madalas lumindol kapag gabi, pero pag-switch ko po ng ilaw, biglang tumitigil!!!
*****
BADING na may binili sa MERCURY Drug Store............
Bading: Miss, may XXL ba kayo na condom?
Miss: Meron po, bibili ba kayo?
Bading: Hindi, aabangan ko ang bibili nyan!

nyahhh nyahhh nyahhh
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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Date Joined : 2008-04-30
Reputation : 13

PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 15:08

ha ha ha ha langya don ako natawa sa last part rolling 4 laugh


zekegoode wrote:
What time should one go to the Dentist????

Tooth Hurty

I know it not funny but can you laugh because it's not? fight
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tiagong_akyat
Haligi ng Konek
 Haligi ng Konek


Gender : Male
Date Joined : 2008-03-18
Reputation : 9

PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 06 2008, 16:55

Tatay: Anak, tubig nga.
Anak: Mineral o distilled?
Tatay: Mineral.
Anak: Malamig o hindi?
Tatay: Hahampasin na kita ng walis eh!
Anak: Tambo o tingting?
Tatay: Lintik ka!
nyahhh
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


Gender : Male
Date Joined : 2008-04-30
Reputation : 13

PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Wed May 07 2008, 22:44

1. Black hawk down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man's chest - suso ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer - uyy... aminin!
4. love, actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)
6. the blair witch project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins - si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish - talakitok
12. pretty woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. 4 weddings in a funeral - kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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Reputation : 13

PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Wed May 07 2008, 22:47

Magsyota naglalakad sa park
GF: hon, naiihi ako
BF: ok.. dyan ka na lang sa damuhan...(habang umiihi kinapa kapa ni bf ang legs ni gf ng may nahawakan siyang mahaba sa gitna ng legs)
BF: Pucha!!! nagpalit ka ba ng kasarian??
GF: Ulol!! nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon... dudumi na lang ako!!!

*****************************
pakman joke

Girl: whoever can use the words LIVER and CHEESE with style will be my date tonight..
Piolo: steak that liver and melt that cheese on me...
Sam: i hate liver but i love cheese as i love u...
Pacman: Hey!!!! you two!! liver alone!! cheese mine!!!
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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Date Joined : 2008-04-30
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Wed May 07 2008, 22:50

Binata: ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo
Ale: wag muna, nag-aaral pa siya
Binata: Sige po kapag uwian na lang nila!!!

**********************************


Mister: adik talaga ako dito sa alimango
Misis: naku ingat ka sa cholesterol niyan!!! may kilala ako sa tondo na kumain ng tatlong matatabang alimango na puro aligue habang nakikipaginuman
Mister: talaga!!! tapos ano nangyari??
Misis: lumabas lang siya sandali para jumingle ayun bigla na lang bumulagta patay na!!!
Mister: inatake sa puso??
Misis: hindi, sinaksak ng adik!!! marami talagang loko dyan sa Tondo!!!
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Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Thu May 08 2008, 15:29

side B na kc dw nyahhh nyahhh tnx..
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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Date Joined : 2008-04-30
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Fri May 09 2008, 03:57

ERAP JOKES

Erap: Waiter, isang kape nga!

Waiter: Sir, decaf ho ba?

Erap: Syempre! Bobo! Lahat ng kape, de cup!

Bakit, may nakaplato ba?!

***************************************

FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of
a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner starts the countdown: "10, 9, 8,....".
FVR shouts, "Flood!". In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.

It's Cory's turn. She shouts: "Earchquake!". The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: "10, 9, 8, 7....". Erap had a mental block. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."
Erap shouted: "Fire!".

**********************************************

Erap taking a bath nang biglang lumindol. He ran outside the Beverly Hotel without his clothes on.
Guard: Mr. President! I think you forgot something...
Erap: Ay sh*t! Yung wristband ko!
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zekegoode



Gender : Male
Date Joined : 2008-05-06
Reputation : 0

PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Fri May 09 2008, 04:03

Thanks sa mga jokes, kakatuwa.....

Kala ko mary poppins = maria putukan, o kaya pede rin siguro maria pokpok
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TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Sat May 10 2008, 15:10

rolling 4 laugh zeke post ka ng mga jokes dyan sa alaska para malamig ang dating rolling 4 laugh

happy bday kabayan!!!! happy bday


zekegoode wrote:
Thanks sa mga jokes, kakatuwa.....

Kala ko mary poppins = maria putukan, o kaya pede rin siguro maria pokpok
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Ailou
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 Administrator


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Date Joined : 2008-01-21
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Sat May 10 2008, 15:30

loveydoo wrote:
Binata: ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo
Ale: wag muna, nag-aaral pa siya
Binata: Sige po kapag uwian na lang nila!!!

**********************************


Mister: adik talaga ako dito sa alimango
Misis: naku ingat ka sa cholesterol niyan!!! may kilala ako sa tondo na kumain ng tatlong matatabang alimango na puro aligue habang nakikipaginuman
Mister: talaga!!! tapos ano nangyari??
Misis: lumabas lang siya sandali para jumingle ayun bigla na lang bumulagta patay na!!!
Mister: inatake sa puso??
Misis: hindi, sinaksak ng adik!!! marami talagang loko dyan sa Tondo!!!
so funny natawa ako d2 sa 2 jokes na eto!

________________________________

Never expect. Never assume. Never ask. And never demand. Just let it be. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
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http://profiles.friendster.com/ailou
TGP
Banned sa Konek
 Banned sa Konek


Gender : Male
Date Joined : 2008-04-30
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Sat May 10 2008, 16:01

amp, me katwiran nga naman ang manliligaw, e di hintayin pagkauwi rolling 4 laugh

Ailou wrote:
loveydoo wrote:
Binata: ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo
Ale: wag muna, nag-aaral pa siya
Binata: Sige po kapag uwian na lang nila!!!

**********************************


Mister: adik talaga ako dito sa alimango
Misis: naku ingat ka sa cholesterol niyan!!! may kilala ako sa tondo na kumain ng tatlong matatabang alimango na puro aligue habang nakikipaginuman
Mister: talaga!!! tapos ano nangyari??
Misis: lumabas lang siya sandali para jumingle ayun bigla na lang bumulagta patay na!!!
Mister: inatake sa puso??
Misis: hindi, sinaksak ng adik!!! marami talagang loko dyan sa Tondo!!!
so funny natawa ako d2 sa 2 jokes na eto!
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yuichitsu17
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Date Joined : 2008-02-03
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Tue May 13 2008, 18:24

nyahhh nyahhh nyahhh
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TGP
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Sun May 25 2008, 06:59

FACELIFT
Pasyente ... magkano ang facelift?
Doktora ... complete treatment ay P145,000
Pasyente ... mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para magmukha akong bata?
Doktora ... heto tsupon, P20 lang!!


ORDER
Customer ... waiter! bakit ang tagal ng order ko? ilan ang cook nyo dito?
Waiter ... ay, sir, wala pu kame cuk dito...pipse lang. pipse!!


PROBLEMA NGA
Pasyente ... Doc, may problema ako...tuwing alas otso ng umaga dumudumi ako...
Doktor ... so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente ... Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.
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TGP
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Sun May 25 2008, 07:00

CUSTOMER
A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
Lady sitting next asked, 'are they your babies?'
Man: 'No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints!'


ACCIDENT
A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted,
'I'M THE SON OF THE VICTIM.'
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people...a pig bumped by a trailer truck!


PINTURA
Erap ... Honey, nagpintura ako ng banyo.
Loi ... Bakit dalawa ang suot mong jacket, ang init, init !!!
Erap ... Sabi kasi sa label, for best results put on 2 coats.
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Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Sun May 25 2008, 07:17

clap clap clap BRAVO BRO! ok smiley nyahhh nyahhh nyahhh
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fayet



Gender : Female
Date Joined : 2008-04-24
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PostSubject: Re: compilation of jokes.........hirit na   Sun May 25 2008, 17:02

Jun-Jun: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina!
Inay: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?
Jun-Jun: "Sino ang walang assignment?"

Titser: Ano ang hugis ng mundo?
Juan: Kuwadrado po, maam!
Titser: Hindi! Ang mundo ay bilog.
Juan: Pero maam, sabi ng lolo ko, narating na niya ang APAT na sulok ng mundo.
May sulok po ba ang bilog?


REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na...
REPORTER: Sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: "Di Namin Alam "


Girl: Maganda ba ko?
Boy: Oo, kaya lang, Bumbayin ka...
Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang Bumbay, ah?! Tisay yata to!
Boy: Oo nga, pero 'yung amoy mo, Bumbayin
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