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 delayed ng isang buwan

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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 03:32

PART THREE (AND HOPEFULLY THE LAST PART ) NG... DA BEST OF INDAY!!! Laughing

Amo: Inday, bumili ka nga ng mga isda? ay! Oo nga pala, Inglesera ka! Would you please buy many fishes for this week's meals?
Inday: Judging by your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term 'fishes' although rarely used, connotes a plethora of different kinds of the said gilled aquatic creatures. But the more pressing questions before I go to the wet market would be, what type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or fresh? (pauses) Ahh? Given the meager budget afforded by this household's quasi-peasant class taste, I assume I shall source the staple
'ga-lewng-gong.' Am I correct?
Amo: Leche!!!

"Don't ride on my popu­larity! I am not your long lost sister."
Iyan ang sagot ni INDAY sa sinabi ni EDERLYN na siya ang nawawala itong kapatid

"Please do not ask me to choose between the both of you. It's not easy to thresh out feelings when there are matters still to be discussed. The heart
is slow to learn."
Iyan ang pakiusap ni DODONG kina INDAY at EDERLYN upang huwag mag-away ang mga ito

"If the two eventually fell in love, despite the disparity of their ages and academic levels, this only lends substance to the truism that the heart has reasons for its own which reason does not know."
Iyan naman ang sa­got ni INDAY sa ina ni DODONG na tutol sa kanilang pagmamahalan.

One day, Katrina Halili went to FHM office to check if she's still the sexiest woman in the world.
Then she walked out angry and shouting, "Who the hell is INDAY?!"

"People say I'm strong because I'm numb to any pain? Actually, it's my special technique. What they don't know is that I had to stab myself a million times just to master it."
-- Si INDAY habang ipinapakita ang mga talsik ng mantika sa braso nang magprito siya ng pork chop

Sad animal facts? Ants never sleep. Pigs can't raise their heads to look at the sky. Butterflies only live for seven days?"
-- Si INDAY, tsinitsika ang mga yaya habang hinihintay si Junior sa school.

"I pity you for you have degraded your very own pride and dignity by resorting to this despicable behavior just for money. "I hope that one day you will realize that you should not use people as means to your ends. "As what the great philosopher Kant uttered, Treat a man as an end in himself."
Iyan ang sabi ni INDAY sa holdaper na nanghoholdap sa kanya.
Ang sagot ng HOLDAPER, "Shut up coz if you don't, the bullet in this gun will rest upon your empty head!"
ANG SOSYAL NA TALAGA NILA, 'NO?!

"If the radius of the circle is 8 inches, and if we are going to divide it to 8 equal parts, the arc length should be 2 inches, neither 1 nor whatsoever. "It is so disgusting that there are no equality among division of parts whereas complementary to what am I saying about.
"This matter is not indispensable, on a part that it should be diminished accordingly for future's sake."
-- Si INDAY, neg-e-emote! Mas malaki kasi ang pizza slice na ibinigay kay EDERLYN nang ininterbyu sila sa Oprah Show (Naks! International na!)

"To make it stand, you wet it! To make it wet, you suck it! To make it stiff, you lick it! To get it in, you push it!" "Damn! Ang hirap maglagay ng sinulid sa karayom! Kainis!"
-- Si INDAY, tinuturuang manahi si SIR. Flirty-flirty si Inday, huh?!

"A Peeping Tom like you has no place in this society. Although I admit that I have a beautiful body, you have no right, nor privilege to feast on it without my knowledge.
"Such a Satanic act must be stopped immediately. I condemn what you did and I have no other recourse but to bring this matter to Sir and Mam for proper action."
-- Sabi ni INDAY sa HARDINERO na nahuli niyang sinisilipan siya habang naliligo

"I will be out of the country starting tomorrow until September 30 for an overseas engagement. It would be appreciated if you would refrain from sending forwarded messages till I come back since I am on roaming and it costs Php10.00/msg received by the overseas network. Thanks."
-- Txt ni INDAY kina DODONG at MANANG noong isinama siya ng amo niya sa Madrid, España
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 03:36

Si Inday sa Boy and Kris Show


Boy Abunda: Inday, isang tanong. Diretsahan tayo. Baket ba mukhang ang lawak ng iyong pinag-aralan sa iba't ibang larangan ng sining at teknolohiya? Ano ang nagsilbing inspirasyon sayo para gawin ito?

Inday: Boy, don't you know how to count? Nevermind... to paraphrase Hayek, exclusive concentration on a specialty has a peculiarly baneful effect: it will not merely prevent us from being attractive company or good citizens but may impair our competence in our proper field.

Boy: Ahhh... [sabay kamot sa ulo]

Kris: Boy, pinapahiya mo naman ang show eh. Ganito dapat. Inday, what Boy meant was what made you decide to pursue the knowledge of different academic uhh ... ahh subjects?

Inday: Kris my dear, it's either you're not satisfied with my previous answer or simply did not understand it. I'll just assume the latter. You see, these are all simply my abiding interests and all these tributaries flow into the same river. The thought of one's research going into ever decreasing, derivative and infertile circles, just depresses me. Getz?

Boy and Kris: [sabay nag-nosebleed at nagtawag ng commercial break]
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 03:37

Sa isang mall sa Makati

TV Patrol Reporter: Sa nalalapit na election, maraming pangalan ang naglalabasan bilang standard bearer ng iba't ibang partido. Nandyan si Mar Roxas, Manny Villar, Ping Lacson, at Loren Legarda. Minabuti ng inyong lingcod na magikot-ikot at magtanong sa taong-bayan kung sino ba and karapat-dapat na maging susunod na pangulo ng Pilipinas?

Dadaan ang mga amo ni Inday. Di kalayuan papalapit si Junior at si Inday na nakaunipormeng pangkatulong.

TV Patrol Reporter: Sir, Mam. Pwede po ba naming kayong mainterview?
Mga Amo ni Inday: Please spare us. Yung katulong na lang naming ang interbyuhin mo. Hindi ka mapapahiya dyan.

Titingnan ng mabilis mulo ulo hanggang paa si Inday na tila nagaalangan pero nasabi sa sarili. Sige na nga!.

TV Patrol Reporter: Miss, pwede ka ba naming mainterview?

Inday: Sure, why not!

TV Patrol Reporter: Aba, Inglesera ang loka! Miss, heto ang tanong ko. Sa iyong opinion, sino ang karapat-dapat na maging presidente ng Pilipinas sa 2010, si Mar Roxas, Loren Legarda, Manny Villar o Ping Lacson?

Inday: I think it is too early to tell who will be the next leader of this corrupt-ridden nation. The names you just mentioned sound exciting but for now, I couldn't tell you yet who deserves my vote. BUT I do have parameters in choosing my next president which I would like to share to everyone watching your news show.

Inday: I believe that the next leader of our country must possess the following characteristics: he/she must have the leadership qualities and popularity of President Ramon Magsaysay, he/she must have the intelligence of President Ferdinand Marcos, he/she must have the charisma of President Corazon Aquino, he/she must have the diligence of President Fidel Ramos and President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, and the most important characteristic the next president must posses is he/she must have the integrity and patriotism of Jose Rizal and Jovito Salonga.

Napatingin si reporter sa mga amo ni Inday

Mga Amo ni Inday: O, ano? Nawindang ka no?
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 03:38

Na-homesick si Inday. . .

Inday: I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from.

. . .kaya sumulat sa probinsya:

Dear Mommy,

Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collasped moments ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head trauma he had? As if it wasn't enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh, such erudite bunch of baboons! I never thought being a governess can be such a strenuous employ.

Missing you,
Inday

Sinagot ng ama:

Dear Inday,

Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo...dumugo ang ilong kakabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

Love,
Tatay


---------------------------------------------


Amo: Inday, paki-abot nga ‘yung ketchup…

Inday: While it can hardly be considered a health food, ketchup has been found to be a beneficial source of lycopene, an antioxidant which fights some forms of cancer. This is particularly true of the organic brands of ketchup. In fact, organic brands were found to contain three times as much lycopene as non-organic brands. Ketchup, much like marinara sauce and other cooked tomato foods, yields higher levels of lycopene per serving because cooking makes lycopene in tomatoes more bio-available.

Amo: Gaga!
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 05:29

this is a true story

a group of pinoy engineers came to europe to attend a conference when they arrive at their hotel room one of them ask for a tour around the city
engineer1:pare gala tayo
engineer2:cege pare goodtime muna tayo
all:call kami jan

while on the disco
engineer2:pare nakuha mo ba name ng hotel natin?
engineer1:oo pare dont worry naka store sa phone ko

after almost 5hours in the disco they dicided to call the night off
they called a taxi and says thier hotel

engneer1:take us to "INDGANG HOTEL" please

the driver look at them furiosly and answered

driver:sorry i never heard of hotel named indgang hotel
engineer1:what?its impossible ive take the name from the hotel door
enginner2:sigurado kaba pare?
engineer1:100% sure pare bumaba na lang tayo ang tanga naman ng driver nato....

2hours of walking when they saw a pinay passing by

engineer2:hello are you a filipino?
girl:yes can i help you
engineer2:nawawala kasi kami alam mo ba yung indgang hotel??
girl:wala pong indgang hotel dito hindi naman po kasi hotel yun e
indgang po kasi means"ENTRANCE" geh po nice meeting you
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 05:41

early stages of a child

1 month old = Can already say "Mama"

2 months old = Can now say "Papa"

3 months old = Can now ask for milk "Dede"

4 months old = Can now say "Yaya"

5 months old = Ang lokong bata nagsusumbong na.........

"Mama, Papa dede yaya"
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 06:59

Job interview?

Boss: Why should we hire you??
Tikyo: Mas mabuti po ang bagong tulad ko dahil wala pang sungay.?
Boss: English please.?
Tikyo: Well, you see, uh, I'm brand new so I'm not yet horny!


----------------------------------------------


Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 07:35

Nakabawi din

Isang binatang nasisiraan ng ulo ang isinugod sa pagamutan ng mga baliw sa Mandaluyong City. Tawa nang tawa. Humahagikgik, humahalakhak at walang tigil. Siyempre, bagong pasok ay ininterbyu siya ng naroong doktor.
"Rodel po ang pangalan ko. Mayaman po kami. Ang totoo po, may kakambal ako. Magkamukhang-magkamukha kami at halos ay wala kaming pinagkaibahan. Dahil sa sobrang pagkakamukha namin, sa eskuwelahan, kapag may test kami, siya ang kumukuha para sa akin."
Tatangu-tango ang doktor. Sa isip- isip niya'y mukha namang matino ang binata.
"Minsan nga po, nang mapaaway siya sa isang bayan, ako ang nakulong. Ang malungkot po na hindi ko malilimutan ay may girlfriend ako na mahal na mahal ko. Siya ang nakatanan. Napagkamalan niya ang kakambal ko." paliwanag ni Rodel.
"E, bakit mukhang masayang-masaya ka ngayon?" usisa naman ng doktor.
"Kasi po, nakabawi naman ako. Noong isang linggo, namatay ako. Siya ang inilibing."
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 07:55

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my
asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter
girl the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug
store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some
mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
to her the same question.

He replies,"I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands
under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the
best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he
gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them
against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am
I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says, " Ma dam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could
you tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't," she says.










"I was behind you in McDonald's."
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 08:11

Lalake: Taksil! Baog ako, paano ka nabuntis?
Sinong ama?
Ang kaibigan kong si Rey? Si Barth?O ang kaibigan kong si Darwin?

Babae: Puro ka kaibigan mo! Kaibigan mo!
Bakit wala ba akong kaibigan?!

------------------------------------------------

Please Hang Up and Try Again...

A man calls home to check in with his wife, to let her know he'll be home early, when suddenly, a strange woman answers.

The confused man inquires, ''Who is this?''

''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.

''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.

The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''

"I told her we didn't need one, " the man muttered under his breath. ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''

The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone...who I thought was her husband.''

The man, suddenly realizes what's going on and begins to fume. Moments later, he says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''

The maid hesistates, but answers, ''What do I have to do?''

The man explains to her: ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''

The maid pauses for a moment to consider the awful deed and puts the phone down. A minute later, the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots!

The maid comes back to the phone breathing heavily, and with a slight quiver in her voice asks, ''What do I do with the bodies?''

The man, quite despondent at this point, replies, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''

Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''

A long pause follows.

Another long pause.

Finally the man asks:

''Is this 567-5309?''
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 08:21

Killer: father mangungumpisal po ako
Father: ano kasalanan mO?
Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 tao
Father: bakit?
Killer: kasi po naniniwala sila as Diyos, kayo po naniniwala ba?
Father: dati...pero ngayon trip trip na lang
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-------------------------------------------

KONSEHAL: Paki acknowledge c Mayor. Late dumating, hayun kararaan lang!
PEDRO (Emcee): I WUD LYK TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE LATE MAYOR HU JUST PASSED AWAY..

MODERN LOVE LETTER

My dear Maxine,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2001.

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this
letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely, Max
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MUDZ
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 22:33

andrew4378 wrote:
EB ng Textmates

GIRL: Magsusuot ako ng Yellow
GUY: I'll wear Green

nagpunta sila sa Coffee Shop to meet. Dumating angPANGET na Babaeng naka YELLOW. Walang lalake na nakaGREEN.

Lumapit si GIRL sa isang GUY na naka RED at nag tanong:

Excuse me, Are you my Textmate?

GUY: Hindi! NakaGREEN ba ako??? HELLO!!!

tol gawain ko yan ah... lots of laugh rolling 4 laugh
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 06 2009, 22:50

andrew4378 wrote:

-------------------------------------------

KONSEHAL: Paki acknowledge c Mayor. Late dumating, hayun kararaan lang!
PEDRO (Emcee): I WUD LYK TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE LATE MAYOR HU JUST PASSED AWAY..

:roll: :roll: natawa ako dito!

________________________________

Never expect. Never assume. Never ask. And never demand. Just let it be. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 13 2009, 09:06

MR : Sino yang tinitignan mo?

MRS : Ex ko yan, hon! I heard panay inom niya after our break-up five years ago.

MR : Grabe ! ang tagal ng celebration niya!
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Asia Jhen
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Fri Jan 16 2009, 21:04

rolling 4 laugh rolling 4 laugh rolling 4 laugh grabe ang dami nito nasakit na tiyan ko kakatawa rolling 4 laugh rolling 4 laugh lots of laugh ,thnk u po bro. ok smiley
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Mon Jan 19 2009, 09:33

gyera sa middle east, sa kampo nakita ng general na may camel dun sa kampo. nagtataka sya kung bakit may camel dun eh hindi naman nila kelangan sa gyera un. kaya tinanong nya si tinyente:

GENERAL: Tinyente, ano ang ginagawa ng camel na yan d2?
TINYENTE: Sir, malayo tayo sa bayan! pag sinumpong ung mga bata natin ng libog, alam nyo na, sinasakyan nila yang camel... hehehe!
GENERAL: ahhh, ganun ba.. sige!

makalipas ang ilang linggo at sinumpong ng libog si general, nakita nya ang camel at naisip nya..
GENERAL: Tinyente, ipasok sa kwarto ko ang camel!
TINYENTE: Opo Sir.

matapos ang ilang sandali...lumabas si general ng may ngiti sa labi
GENERAL: Ok nman pala tinyente! Nakaraos ako.. Ganyan din ba ginagawa ng mga bata natin?
TINYENTE: Hindi Sir, Sinasakyan nila ung camel papunta sa bayan para pumik up ng babae...
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STAR
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Mon Jan 19 2009, 16:11

pag na lulungkot ako binabasa ko lagi jokes ni andrew... hehehehe// more jokes bro..
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Asia Jhen
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 20 2009, 21:37

rolling 4 laugh lots of laugh rolling 4 laugh sarap tlga ultin basahin sakit na naman tiyan ko kakatawa rolling 4 laugh :roll: so funny
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Tue Jan 20 2009, 22:31

haba na nga neto parang tele serye lots of laugh

________________________________

Never expect. Never assume. Never ask. And never demand. Just let it be. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
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zenyaika
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Sat Jan 24 2009, 06:18

:halakhak: :halakhak: :halakhak: ok smiley
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Sat Jan 24 2009, 08:24

HULA

may isang lalaki ang pumunta sa isang manghuhula para alamin kung ano ang mangyayari sa kanya.

manghuhula: nakikita ko sa aking bolang kristal, nasa panganib ang buhay mo. mag-iingat ka sa... apoy! delikado ka sa apoy!

lalaki: ha? naku, paano yan, bumbero pa naman ako!

manghuhula: huwag ka munang papasok ngayong araw na ito para malampasan mo ang apoy. teka, meron pa... may nakikita ulit ako. mga bato, iiwas ka rin sa bato, delikado ang buhay mo sa bato!

lalaki! naku, paano yan? pinapagawa ko pa naman ang bahay namin.

manghuhula: sa hotel ka muna tumuloy ngayong gabi.

lalaki: sige po. marami pong salamat. (iniabot ang bayad at lumabas na ng tolda.

habang naglalakad, iniisip pa rin iya ang hula sa kanya. pagdating niya sa isang kanto, nakita niya na nagkakagulo ang mga tao... may nasusunog ng bahay. naalalaniya ang hula kaya sa ibang kalye siya dumaan. sa kasunod na kanto may rambol na nagaganap at nagbabatuhan ang magkalabang kampo. naalala nanaman niya ang hula kaya umiwas din siya at patakbong tumawid ng kalye, nang biglang...

BAAAAM! nasagasaan ang lalaki, dead on the spot.

sa pag-iimbestiga, nakita na ang gulong ng truck na nakasagasa sakanya ay... FIRESTONE!
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Sat Jan 24 2009, 08:28

AMO - Inday, naalis mo na ba yun mantsa sa barong ko ?

INDAY - Yes sir !

AMO - Good, anong pinang-alis mo ?

INDAY - Sir, GUNTING po
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Sat Jan 24 2009, 08:34

ANG HIRAP NA NG PANAHON


Lolo: Alam mo apo ko, noon pag may P50 ako, pag pumunta ako sa department store, may dala na akong polo, t-shirt, brief, pantalon at sapatos pag-uwi.

Apo: Wow, ganun pala kasarap magshopping dati. E ngayon po?

Lolo: mahirap na ngayon, apo. Meron nang surveillance camera.
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andrew4378

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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Fri Jan 30 2009, 12:40

TUTPIK:
Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang dali pang mabali!
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali!


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Asia Jhen
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PostSubject: Re: delayed ng isang buwan   Fri Jan 30 2009, 21:23

d tlaga nkakasawang ulitin hehehehe.
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